Have you heard of Goodreads? It's an amazing thing really. It's this huge online book club sort of thing. You can join all kinds of groups and read and discuss books. Join whatever genres you are interested in. Talk as little or as much as you like. Read other readers reviews on books. It's a very cool site. I've been a member for a while now and I haven't even begun to really get to know them.

One of my groups is about the paranornal, which I've started to enjoy reading. I had no idea this stuff could be so much fun. Anita Blake for instance. She's a hard kinda gal...an animator, which is someone who can raise a zombie. But she's also a vampire killer. This sounds freaky right? It is kinda, But throw in one hot vampire "lord" and a werewolf and some other interesting characters and Anita's love of penguins, and you get some really fun reading. Sookie is the best though. I LOVE Sookie. Twilight of course. But now I'm learning about all other sorts of paranormal stuff and I'm really enjoying the reading. It's escapism at it's best.

One of my very favorite books EVER, The Hunger Games and Catching Fire (a series), was something I discovered on Goodreads. I just finished reading a book called The Forrest of Hands and Teeth which I also really enjoyed (it scared me a little too) and I found out about that book on Goodreads. I find myself really enjoying exploring Goodreads and reading people's reviews on books. I love it.

Shaun and I took the kids for a short walk around the block tonight. It was butt arse cold outside! I got my nails done today and I made a new recipe tonight that turned out really good. Those are the highlights to my day. That's really about it.

It's supposed to rain tomorrow (tonight into tomorrow anyway) and I'm going to bake some carrot bread. For some reason that I can't explain, I'm really looking forward to it.

Random Thought for the Day: I'm scared that I'll get fat again. The first year is the honeymoon period. My first year anniversary is in a few days and I won't make my goal weight. THAT doesn't bother me as much as the thought that this may be the best that I ever get. I guess the ball is in my court on that one eh?

Cathardic Coast

And it was. Cathardic. At least until I got home. But that's a story for later on in this post. So here's the story:

We left Friday morning after getting the dogs to the kennel and loading up the car. I have to interject here that the weekend's weather was (to quote Jim Carey) B-E-A-U-tiful! It couldn't have been any better. New flowers. Little critters. Just amazing.

So anyway, we're in the car on the way to the coast. We arrived at our hotel room which was literally right on the ocean in Cayucus (Shoreline Inn -- stay there if you are looking for a hotel recommendation). We had 2 king size beds so Shaun took one and George and I took the other. It was a huge room...HUGE. Donna and Bob weren't there yet so we had some time to kill.

We took a few "from the room view" pictures and then went for a walk down to the pier. Came back and went into Morro Bay. We did some window shopping and found a place to eat called The Hoffbrau that seriously lifted our skirts something fierce. I had a bowl of clam chowder and a few bites from George's tri tip french dip. Oh my goodness! This was honestly the BEST beef dip sandwich I have ever had! So good! From there we came back to our hotel and hunkered down for a few minutes. Donna and Bob got there just before 10:00pm so we didn't have a lot of time to visit with them. Off to bed. Check off Friday.

Saturday was a super full day. We did so much! Bob and I started off the day with a walk down to the pier again. We watched the surfers (one looked like a hippie version of Santa Claus) and talked and walked back to our room stopping and saying "good morning" to every person with a dog. Which was about 30. People with their dogs were everywhere. It was kinda kewl.

Then we packed up Mom's ashes and all piled into the car and headed off down the road to San Luis Obispo's airport. When we got there, we met our pilot, Al (I think?) and his plane. George asked me after what I was expecting and I wasn't really expecting anything but, it was a really small plane. You could only seat the 6 of us...nothing else. Bob and I sat in the back, then Donna and George and Shaun sat next to the Pilot in the cockpit. Uber cool for him. I think our pilot put Mom's ashes into a paper bag before we left? I think it was just easier for him to dump her out like that from a grocery bag.

Up and away we went, flying 3,000 feet over the California Coast. We flew over to San Simeon and Hearst Castle. Then we flew back to Morro Bay and right before the rock, the pilot told us he would spread Mom's ashes and he opened up his window and Mom went flying out. It was a beautiful setting...a beautiful day and to show us all how happy she was about it, within seconds, we saw a whale breaching the water. A WHALE! It was awesome! And it was rather a touching coincidence that it happened at that very moment. I loved it. Whatever happened between me and Mom, whatever we had and didn't have, it didn't matter right then. What mattered was that this was/is her final resting place and it was breath catching. We continued to fly to almost Pismo Beach and then home to our airport. It was a lot of fun and really a wonderful final resting place for Mom.

After that, we went to a gun shop that Shaun wanted to visit and then we went to Morro Bay to have lunch at the Harbor Hut. Donna had clam chowder in a bread bowl (and then gave me the bread bowl for our next stop) and Bob had calamari strips. Shaun and George each had hamburgers and I had a piece of chicken. I was so excited because right behind where George was sitting was a HUGE angel trumpet plant! (I have one at home that I've been growing and I love it!) It was the biggest one I've ever seen. After that, we drove to the shoreline by the rock and I fed the bread bowl to the seagulls. I know they are flying rats but it was still so much fun to feed them. But the best, the absolute best thing were these little rock squirrels that scurried up the rocks and I fed them some nuts I had with me and they literally crawled onto my lap. One of them, a particularly brave little fellow, his cheeks got SO big from all the nuts. It was awesome!

From there, we went up the coast again, past Cayucus and we drove through Cambria and showed Shaun the beautiful little hotels on Moonstone Beach. He wants to come back with Jessica and Winston. I won't comment. Anyway, more driving up the coast to Piedras Blancas where there elephant seals are. There were mainly just babies there...not much going on this time of year, but it was still cool. I think that Shaun enjoyed it. I hope he did because I think it was pretty cool. Then we came home and collapsed for about an hour, dressed up and went back into Morro Bay and went to the *nice* Harbor Hut restaurant for dinner. Bob had crab salad, Donna had a seafood combination plate, George and I shared halibut and Shaun had steak and lobster. It was a really wonderful dinner. Then we returned home and yakked a little bit in our room...I showed Donna about digital scrapbooking while the boys talked guns. I turned Donna and Bob onto Boo Goo which, as anyone who has ever had it knows, once you have had it, you are hooked.

Check off a busy Saturday.

Sunday morning we woke up and packed up our stuff and then headed to Montana de Oro which was apparently an old cattle ranch that was turned over to the State and they made it a park. It's a coastal area that WOW, really just is stunning. It reminded me of the black sand beaches in Hawaii. Anyway, we took some pictures there of all of us and collected some seashells which I now have in a jar and which I will forever believe to have a piece of Mom in them. We explored (and I saw a bunny and a lizzard!) and then we went back to Morro Bay for lunch. Donna and Bob did the Harbor Hut again (I think they like that place) but my boys and I did The Hoffbrau (I told you we liked it there). Then we met in the middle and I got some awesome pictures of the flora and marina. I believe it was around 2:30pm when we left and we did hit some traffic on the way home but with picking up the dogs, and grabbing some Taco Hell for dinner, we were home by 7:00pm. I even did a few loads of laundry and completely unpacked us. It was a good, good trip.

Good-bye Mom -- I know you didn't have the happiest of lives but you tried the best you could. I think I understand that. I TRY to understand that. I hope that you find rest and know that I will always love you.







While we were gone, either my brain was finally at rest, or I was so busy with everything that I didn't think as much as I usually do, whatever...but I didn't think much about Shirley stuff. I was able to still my mind and it was good. Thus the cathardic thing I mentioned. But the instant I walked in the door when I was home, it all washed over me again. Here I sit on Tuesday night and I just feel the Shirley weight on me again. Now with April coming up and her memorial, I have a lot to do to get ready. I'm going to just dunk myself into trying to keep busy, to focus my brain on other stuff and to get my life back. I need to do that.

Tomorrow is the last day of March. I wonder where the month has gone. Time truly flies.

Memories and People

Tonight, I was talking with a friend of mine who was talking to me about a situation that happened to me and some other people a few months back. I realized that I had pushed some things that were said completely out of my mind even though at the time that it happened, it was very important to me. Today, it seems just silly.

I was also speaking tonight to some friends of my family that have been close to me since I was a little girl. I'll be having dinner with them on Thursday and my memories of them are nothing but warm. I call the wife my third mom. They are that important to me yet it's been years since I've seen them. But they only live like maybe 30 miles from me. There's nothing but life keeping us from each other.

Then, I was also on the phone with several of Shirley's friends and talking to them brings up the whole Shirley situation with me again. I'm anticipating a night of nightmares tonight and a brain that won't shut off. But I realized when talking to them, that I've put off talking with them because they DO remind me of Shirley, as they should. They were HER friends.

So my point to all this is that people make up so much of our memories. They are the fabric to those memories and they are what you remember. Think about that when you have lunch with a girlfriend or when you hang up the phone with your Mom. Those little things make up everything. I know this sounds like something simple but to me, right now, it's very profound. THAT is weird too isn't it? I mean, why is it so profound to me right now???

I'm watching American Idol (big subject change here) and this is really not a great season is it? These people are just not that good. I wonder what the judges were thinking when they put them through?

And I hate my fingernails. I may see if I can find some time for a polish change or something before we leave for the weekend.

Rut roh, all of a sudden, I realize I have a ton of stuff to do before the weekend! I need to make a list. I LOVE lists!!!

Mondays Mean Physical Therapy

My shoulder has been a constant source of pain for me for quite some time now. First, I dealt with it before surgery, now I have to work on getting it better. My physcial therapy days are Mondays and Fridays. I didn't go last Friday and last Monday, I wasn't feeling well and left early. So today, I was stiff. My physical therapist, Perla, had to work my shoulder. Let me tell you, I thought I was going to cry right there in front of God and everybody. I was stiff!

Flash forward now several hours and a few Norcos and I'm STILL hurting. My arms literally is so tired, I don't know if I can lift it. It's just done. Put a fork in it.

I didn't get anything done today and I'm not sure why??? So I'll try again tomorrow. I started a new book today and Shaun took us out (us being George and me and the puppy dogs) for lunner and DWTS starts tonight so all is well in Kelly world. I did have a bad headache today after PT though. Anyway, it wasn't a bad day and not a good day. It was just so so. :)

I'm looking forward to going up to Morro Bay this weekend. I'll get to see my Sister and her husband and just being with family. It sounds good to me. Just good.

So tomorrow, I hope to get more done. To quote Scarlett, tomorrow is another day.

Spring - The First Day

Ah spring. Who doesn't love Spring? Baby critters, flowers, blue skies. I love it. We took the time today and we did some yard clean up. I planted some flowers and repotted others. I bought some new geraniums (my favorites) and got those potted. The gardner came today and mowed the yard (for the first time since we've lived here so that's quite a lot of grass!). When everything was said and done I was kinda proud of how things look. I have a vision and I hope it comes to fruition. I have always fought against being a gardner because I think it's for old people, but instead, I'm embracing the horror.

I don't think I thought of Shirley at all yesterday and that's a first for me since she's died. I know I thought of her, but not in a bad way. I don't know if it was because George was with me for the day or what it was, but when I took a shower at the end of the day, I felt like I was washing EVERYTHING away. It felt good. I want to be me again and get my life back. Maybe I can now. Spring is about new beginnings. Maybe that's what this will be for me?

So I had a good first Spring day.

She's Off and Typing...

Well boys and girls, once again I am starting a blog and once again, my intentions are lofty. I want to use this as a journal and pour out my inner most problems, day to day joys and the basic crap that happens day to day.

For instance, today, George and I went to a "gathering" of Peggy's friends at their house as a memorial type dealio for her. Peggy, for those of you not in the know, is Jessica's mother who passed away the Sunday after Shirley died. We sat in the living room and talked with Jessica's friends. The house was clearly divided. Brent and Gisa's friends (Jessica's brother and his wife) were all hanging in the back yard and all sitting close together. We were not introduced to them so therefore, we kind of left them alone. On the other side of the house, were Jessica's friends. Everyone else fit somewhere inbetween.

There was food, you know, the kind of snack stuff that you bring to those things...everything from deviled eggs to lemon bars (I LOVE lemon bars! I need to make some and I think there's a recipe in my mom's recipe book. Note to self that!). So anyway, we ate a little and George had a few beers. We chit chatted with Jessica's girl friends and some of the family. One thing to note, more than one person (three actually) remarked to us upon hearing that we were Shaun's parents, they remarked to us that we had raised a cool kid, very polite and well mannered and how we should be proud. Well, hearing that just made me prouder. ::puffed out chest::

Peggy's life was pretty much displayed on a pool table. We looked at older photos and realized that Jessica looks exactly like her mother. The boys in the family are kind of nerdy dweeb looking guys -- no offense or anything, it's just how it is...in fact the women in this family definitely seem like the strength. Except Jessica. Jessica is a follower, not a leader, not the strength. But her sister is a powerhouse. Night and day difference there.

Anyway, from there we went to La Cocina for dinner and had an enchilada (me) and a taco (George). It was okay. Then on to Wal Mart where we got milk and the New Moon DVD. HA! Isn't that quite the combination? From there, home where we caught up on a few television shows we had recorded and then I alternated between reading and doing this blog.

Oh yeah, and I did a load of laundry.

Just another day in paradise.